I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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