He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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