Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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