Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
