I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
