and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
