It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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