I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
