help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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