last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
