dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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