my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
