Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
