you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
