Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
