I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
