i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
