I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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