HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
