Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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