I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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