Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
