After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
