batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
third nipple confirmed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
