Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
