I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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