im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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