Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
