Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
