that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
