when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I will pee on everything he values.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
