ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
