Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
