Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
