The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
