maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
