Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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