So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
