idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
