i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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