let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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