I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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