I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I want is dick and wine.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize