which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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