Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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