Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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