He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
