It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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