pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
