She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize