She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
