it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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