hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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