i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
