why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
