thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
