I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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