im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was CRYING into my vagina
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
