I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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