Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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