have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
