Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
