So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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