Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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