96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
