Fine. I'll sleep in my office
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
