I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
