Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
