i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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