so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
