highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize