I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
