Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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